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COAL

by E L L

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1.
1993 03:35
My nihilist side likes the modern times, It’s so dystopian, But the nostalgist in me Likes to think it’s nineteen-ninety-three Kurt was still alive, I was still a child watching Nickelodeon And I hadn’t yet dipped my toes in Romanticising suicide The children born entirely in code, I wonder what they’d think of how We used to speak so free And draw opinions from adversaries When art was still alive Life was genuine, The film already had the grain, And we filtered our coffee Out with friends Way back when in ninety-three
2.
Ritual Bones 04:13
No I don’t think the same as my friends anymore How they revel in eating their own And they only align with my machine heart And my tired ritual bones I don’t sleep anymore on Sunday nights And I’d rather drink on my own Performative friends in an eggshell town And my tired, ritual bones And the pickets won’t stay white I’m evolving my appetite I will strip the gift horse for its meat If it keeps my brain alive No I don’t wonder if I’m OK anymore I was broken forever ago But we’re all in a chamber somewhere vile Deifying ritual bones And the pickets won’t stay white I’m evolving my appetite I will strip the gift horse for its meat If it keeps my brain alive And the ego's a china doll With a crack across its skull I’ll press shards to my palms if it means the collapse Of my tired ritual bones
3.
Born Anew 03:58
Which of my many faces Which of my many mouths Give form to original thinking If the other faces allow? The others are busy performing In varying societal scenes But which endlessly multiplying Opinion is coming from me? Kill off your tribe And you’ll be born anew Which of my various voices And which of my varying roles Cementing an outward perception Is gladly assuming control? The terror of never belonging To anyone’s bottomless feed Censor my tongue numb my instinct I beg of you, keep needing me Kill off your tribe And you’ll be born anew And you’ll sleep sound again Knowing you’re really you
4.
Sell me a different wild dream Pawn me anything else Go check what else you’ve got there I’ll take anything else I’ll make the payments good I’ll do whatever makes me understood Lend me the subject of envy Who’s so good at everything else Empty in eras of plenty I still chase everything else I’ll make the payments good I’ll do whatever makes me understood I have to know I could That I’m not living the wrong adulthood Sell me the moment of meaning You hand out to everyone else
5.
Row 03:40
Flatten the earth so they’re right all along Compress the mountains and silence the birdsong and Pack up the the furniture, load up the van Give me a boat and an oar and I promise I’ll row and row and row into the night I swear I’ll row and row and row right off the side Flatten the earth so the oceans give way Give it an underside, flatten the clay so the Horrified panicking people can’t hide Give me a boat and an oar and I promise You’ll know my face And they'll scream my name And I'll meet your gaze When I undo your mistakes Fold up the net of the space on the plane Pluck out the stars and the planets and you could Reclaim all the molecules, start with a bang Build me a boat and oar and I promise
6.
Twenty-Six 04:10
A treadmill through somebody else’s dream How am I still allowed to drive? Automation handles every word And free will left through my left eye One day I blinked and I was twenty-six The milky lens, a veil between the worlds Drains the colour, kills the hue I steer my flesh suit from behind my face A toy inside a clear balloon One day I blinked and I was twenty-six One day I blinked, the world, it went to shit You’re not real If you were, I’d still feel
7.
Coal 03:56
There’s soot on the lungs A shadow of my age The same shade of midnight As the coal on my brain There’s tar in my stomach In the shape of a violent rage A toxin too thick for The leech on my veins Shake off your shadow Break what retrains you Draw out your bad cells Burn them and see what they turn into There’s soot on my table And dust on the doorstep Coal on my mantle Black burns on the carpet Tar on the bedsheets I’ve started to cough it up And spread the infection To those which I love Shake off your shadow Break what retrains you Draw out your bad cells Burn them and see what they turn into Shake off your shadow Shed all your dead skin Dance in the fire Draw with the charcoal you’re carrying The soot on my lungs Established and here to stay Whose dark makes the midnight As strong as the day
8.
There are simultaneous threads Running side by side They start with choice and circumstance And they multiply Think of all the potential futures lost To linear time So move sideways into another Of your parallel lines You could cross them like wires If you wanted to I’ve done it a handful of times seeing a country I’ve cherished since my youth Or when a dream’s so vivid It’s so much more than life That’s how it feels to fall out Into a parallel line But you may use them dreadful When your nature unfurls And you tear the fibres blame another you From a parallel world So you absolve yourself Cause you felt so alive As you sample the stories that live elsewhere On your parallel lines
9.
You’d wear my shoes I’d wear yours too we’d run for miles If we fell over We’d share a shoulder at one time You’d not assume to know the struggle of my town from line of sight We’d share our wealth Before our fractious divides You’d tie my tie Go arm in arm into the night We’d share our space And share our places in the wild Apologies were not a requisite there was not daily trial We’d toast to our health Before our fractious divides
10.
I won’t cry on the bed anymore I feel so much more when I’m lying on the floor I got dressed for the offy this morning But tomorrow I’ll make it past the hall I don’t trust their medicine So I’ll acquire my own And signal to everyone I'm fine I won’t laugh in the same way I did I don’t want to give impressions that I’m covering It’s no fun when you’re numb in the morning So tomorrow I’ll do the same again I don’t trust their medicine So I’ll acquire my own And signal to everyone I’m not on my own So tap twice continue on Drinking your wine I signal to everyone I’m fine

about

‘Coal’ is a story of the loss of purpose that twins itself with the loss of aspiration. It takes place in a time of political uncertainty where changing viewpoints can ostracise, and self-destruction is a timeless and persistent friend.

credits

released March 13, 2020

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Elliot Nicklin
Music and Lyrics by Elliot Nicklin
Artwork by Gefei Dong

Mix consultation by Jack Brook, Viktor Hurskainen, Thibault Ravina

Instrument rental from Ben Brook

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about

E L L London, UK

E L L is the songwriting/production alias of media composer Elliot Nicklin. His debut album 'Coal' [2020] dealt with narratives of social isolation, political tribalism and mental health.

His upcoming sophomore LP ‘eloquent void’ is a multi-genre project tracing existential themes through a diverse array of sounds and influences.
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