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eloquent void

by E L L

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1.
baby 04:08
baby though i can’t feed you from my breast you can lay your head on my chest i won’t mind if you’re a boy or girl i’ll tell you about the world you’ll never want for anything even that shining diamond ring i’ll try to be right there by your side to shield your weary eyes i want to watch you grow and find out on your own a moon amongst the stars enough to break your tiny heart mother i would deny them their own you is that ever something i should do i never let go of all my shame i’m scared they’d be the same i want to see you dance and find your true romance a moon amongst the stars enough to make your little heart despair as it gets too much like the oil in the air what have we done? i know there’ll be times you hate my choice on the days when you stare into the void it won’t always be what you had in mind but i think you’ll be surprised
2.
hold for the applause effect precedes the cause it always flows both ways you’re mine, i’m yours now and always if you’ll have me tear yourself in two every time you choose matter births itself in its own past we’ve all we’ll need if you’ll join me ride into the blue as red consumes the truth there’s only ever these old conclusions now and always then and never elsewhere right here howsoever
3.
someone else 03:16
4.
who’s never thought about it? all i need’s to think about the vastness of it all and how completely absurd it all seems to be a race that knows about themselves that’s enough to have me at the kitchen draw running the shower again there’s a certain class of minds that look within and feel compelled to idealise their doom they’re united as one coiled around the nature of a disaffected truth that’s enough to have me at the bathroom sink bracing the back door again and though there are helping hands we tell ourselves that others are more worthy of their care that’s enough to tether me to forevermore filling the bag up again
5.
there’s two in the bed and the younger one said i think there’s something missing here i have to know before i grow old he rolled him away, said he’d never say his name but nothing seems to satisfy the modern mind those seeds were planted young i’ll do as you tell me i want you to share me cause i’m running on empty there were three in the bed and the middle one said i’m feeling suffocated here the framework’s failed but thank you for trying there’s quiet to keep i pretend to be asleep but nothing seems to satisfy the modern mind those seeds were doused in rum
6.
7.
i feel my face is hanging looser on my skull and i feel the earth pull on my heel bones through my soles and i swear the other day a child stared straight through me and all my stories and my loved ones all my values lost to time and the world was never mine but come to think of it i knew that this whole time i feel the nerves are pulling punches one by one and my father’s hourglass is bulging in its frame and i swear the other day a child stared straight through me and struck my labour and my love songs from the record of our time and the world was never mine but come to think of it i don’t think that’d be right i hope the mind’s distinct from nature’s flesh and bone but i know that’s something i can never truly know but i swear if i find out i’ll never waste this daydream on every memory of a future that can never come to pass and the world will cease to be in every single meaningful capacity don’t forget me
8.
rosewater 03:16
rosewater runs from me a sweet nectar, and i’m the bee a new stretch-mark ecstasy rose syrup, matted hair mud, ointment, a broken chair folded inwards i’m not there rosewater, leave me be a dead halo, and dirty knees a poison apple from my own tree
9.
coastguard 04:19
i’ll sleep with the fishes bathed in the silt in garments of seaweed and salt on my skin there’re chains round my ankles that catch the light from the coastguard this beach town’s so pretty i should have sent you a postcard i swim into setbacks as strong as the tide the sail’s in the, the boat’s moored so i give my tired arms another try can’t do what i love to do there’s no heavier weight than being this competent at that which i hate there’s seashells for eyeballs that catch the light from the coastguard this beach town’s so pretty i should have sent you a postcard
10.
foundation 03:44
11.
all us conscious beings are cells in god’s mind his brain is all of time and he’s dreaming about what it’s like to be alive in every iteration all at the same time the endless and the finite are rendered immaterial when he opens his eyes and the fabric fails its shape disparate little fireflies roaming in the black night who speak no common language and don’t ever try
12.
strings 03:13
13.
the train 03:43
a sad-eyed man with chin in hand watches me from his seat the way he looks straight through his book he must be so incomplete i wonder when’s his stop and where will he get off and how he lives and who he goes home to a mad-eyed girl whose mind unfurled can’t sit still in her seat the hand she’s dealt and the woe she’s felt as sure as the houses and trees i wonder when she’ll break how bad were her mistakes and how she’ll die and will she be alone
14.
collection 05:46

credits

released November 4, 2022

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E L L London, UK

E L L is the songwriting/production alias of media composer Elliot Nicklin. His debut album 'Coal' [2020] dealt with narratives of social isolation, political tribalism and mental health.

His upcoming sophomore LP ‘eloquent void’ is a multi-genre project tracing existential themes through a diverse array of sounds and influences.
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